There is a difference between stress and distress. Stress
creates pressure and can be good. Stress can motivate a person to get things
done and become better and feel accomplished. Distress creates pain. There is
so much stress that it puts you in to distress and is a big burden for you and those
around you. The human body is made to deal with stress. In the brain, there is
a limbic system. It recognizes when there is a threat or danger and puts your
body into auto pilot, fight or flight. It is a very emotional part of your
brain and once your brain is in this stage, it shuts down the frontal lobe
which is the creative, problem solving part of the brain. This can be good in
some situations because if you are in danger, you don’t need to be thinking
about what you’re going to do on vacation. However, if you are in distress, your
brain switches to the limbic system which shuts off problem solving. Therefore,
it is so important to redefine stress, so you don’t get into distress.
We can be
in charge of our brain. We can tell our brain what to do. There is no action
that didn’t first start with a thought. If we choose to have positive thoughts,
our brain will have positive actions. Instead of thinking of stress as the
worst thing that could ever happen to us, we can think of it positively in a
way where we know it motivates us to get things done. There is something called
the ABCX model. A is the actual event which is the stressor. B is both the
resources and responses. This is the management of the stress. Resources could
include the church, family, money, insurance, etc. C is the cognitive or the
family’s definition of the even. X is the experience or the crisis. There is a
difference between a stressor and a crisis. With a stressor, the family dynamic
may change, but it will return to the original dynamic after the stressor is
gone. In a crisis, the family dynamic will change and many times it never
returns to the original. However, with either a stressor or a crisis, we can
choose how to view it.
When
there is a stressor or crisis, but mostly with a crisis there is denial. We
many times deny that anything is changing or happening. However, if we want to
deal with the crisis in a healthy way, it is important to recognize that there
is a problem. That is the first step in any situation. Recognize that something
is wrong because if you don’t think there is a problem, there is not going to
be any action to fix it. Next is avoidance. Admitting is not going to be enough
to start a healing process in a crisis. A short-term avoidance can be a good thing
at times. It can help people to think about what is going on and help them
collect resources they need before having to deal with the problem. However, long-term
avoidance will not be good. It can create more problems than the one you
already are refusing to deal with. Scapegoating is another problem when people
try to deal with problems. Although it is a step above denial, it is still a
very unhealthy approach in dealing with a family crisis. Scapegoating is when the
person dealing with a crisis look for someone to blame. Instead of always
blaming others for what happened, you could be a lot more effective in looking
at yourself to see what you could do better to deal with the problem. When in a
crisis, it can be very helpful to re-frame or redefine the problem. This means
changing the way you are looking at the situation.
When
bad things happen to us or our family, it can suck. However, it is our choice
to be viewing it that way and that is not healthy or effective. We can choose
to have a positive outlook and see how things could get better. We can use our
resources effectively to help the situation become better. It is as simple as
becoming aware of our emotions. Once we become aware of them, we can write them
down and choose a way to become more positive. If we tell ourselves positive
things instead of only looking at the negatives of the situation, we can deal with
the crisis much better.
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