Adjustments from Engagement to Marriage

What are the tasks in an engagement?

                The time between engagement and the wedding day is very important to a relationship. This is the time in which a couple plans a wedding/reception, gets a marriage license, and plans a marriage. These things are important, not only for the wedding day, but for the rest of their lives. When a couple is planning their wedding and reception while engaged, it is most likely going to be the first big thing they plan together. Many times, throughout this process there are many arguments that happen. This give them the opportunity to learn more about one another and how they will handle arguments. Are they going to compromise, or does one person always get their way? Is the bride including the groom in the plans and making him aware of things? These are things they learn about each other that are going to continue in their marriage. There can be red flags even throughout the engagement. The bride should be including the groom in the wedding plans. They should choose details together and agree on everything. It is a big day for both, not just the bride. They should practice being goal-oriented partners rather than time-killers together throughout their engagement and hopefully before then.

What are some adjustments the couple must make within the first year of marriage?

                There are many adjustments that must be made in a marriage that most people don’t think about. Many people think that things will be perfect after marriage and everything will fall into place. Some of these adjustments can be difficult and take time. Some adjustments that must be made are: responsibilities/chores, schedules, eating habits, setting up a house, changing boundaries and friends, combining bank accounts/finances, traditions, and splitting time between families for holidays.

Responsibilities and Chores

                The responsibilities you have while living on your own are much different than the responsibilities you will have after being married. Responsibilities should be split between the couple. However, they should help each other out and be there to support one another. They will be divided differently depending on the couple. More responsibilities are added as well. You will also be responsible for one another. For their safety and protection. A couple should protect one another and watch out for the other. They should be a safe place for each other to fall back on and caring for another person is a big and important responsibility.

Schedules

                Schedules can be difficult to adjust to sometimes. When being on our own, we can do anything we want at any time we want. Marriage is different. You must be aware of the other’s schedule and find time for each other. One person may be a night owl while the other is a morning person. It is important to be respectful of the other person’s schedule and how they do things, but there must be time that is made to spend quality time together.

Changing boundaries and friend groups

                Changing boundaries are so important for a marriage. Each individual in the relationship should build a stricter boundary with each of their families and a more open boundary with their partner. The couple should remember that when something happens, their spouse should be the first to know about it, not their parents. They should trust each other and not let their families violate their marriage.

Combining Finances and bank accounts

                This is a huge adjustment for many people. A couple must be willing to put everything they have together to make a life together. You become aware of how they spend their money and how good they are with money. This is often a big conflict in a relationship. The couple should compromise their money usage but be wise with their money. Some people like to spend money on toys, while other people like to save. Some may feel it is important to eat healthy which can be more expensive and the other may like to save and eat cheap. Both eating healthy and saving are good ways to use money, so the couple must find a balance and a way to compromise.

Traditions and holidays

                The two people in the marriage come into it with different traditions. The couple must find a way to make their own traditions by combining their previous traditions and possibly taking some out. This happens especially when starting a family with children. Traditions are fun and important but be aware of what is most important to the partner and be sure to allow them to keep traditions they feel are important to them. A couple must also figure out how to split holidays between families or if they will do their own holiday alone.