Relationship Theories

Theories are an attempt to explain something. Some examples of theories are the Big Bang Theory or the theory of evolution. We often make our own theories every day without even noticing. There are four main theories to try and explain how families work and why they work. These are: the conflict theory, the exchange theory, the symbolic interaction theory, and the systems theory.

The conflict theory tries to explain why there might be conflict in a family. There are many things that could cause conflict between family members. No equality could be one of these problems. Whether it be no equality in household roles or no equality in decision making, it could very easily cause arguments and conflict within the household. Power and influence tie in to no equality. When one person in a family has power over another, it causes unhealthy relationships which leads to conflict. There are so many other things that can cause conflict in a family such as psychological manipulation or even who gets more income. These things also may cause a person to think they have more power over someone else in the house and lead to problems and unhealthy relationships in the household.

The exchange theory is when someone within the family relationship hopes to get at least as much out of the relationship as they are putting into it, if not more. This is when we seek situations where the costs are lower than the rewards. The things a person puts in could be time, money, sense of security, etc. The rewards could be money, emotional or intellectual validation, a sense of security, etc. With the exchange theory, the individual will look at what they will have to put into the situation and what they will get out of it and ask themselves if it is worth it. This is a selfish approach to a relationship and should be avoided.

Symbolic Interaction theory is one that could cause problems in a relationship. This involves gestures, actions, or words that could easily be misinterpreted. This theory can also get complicated because there are several different meanings to gestures, actions, or words. For example, there are different ways to hug, all of which will be interpreted differently by the receiver of the hug. Sometimes the same hug can even be interpreted differently between different people and the time or situation the hug is given. We can now see that this can get complicated. Words can also mean different things with the way they are said, and the tone used while speaking. All these things we do every day are interpreted and seen so differently by each person because of their interaction experiences they’ve had throughout their life. We may not think about the things we do or what we say, but when interacting with other people, we need to be careful and consider how they may interpret those things, so we can avoid misunderstandings that aren’t needed.

The last is the systems theory. This is where we analyze the group. This includes boundaries, subsystems, rules and roles. These are dependent and influence each other. Outside influences do not usually affect the system. Depending on how big the group or family is, there can be multiple subsystems. There is a system between mother and father, child and father, child and mother, child and child, etc. There can also be more than two people in a subsystem. All these subsystems work differently and have their own purpose that they fulfill to help and support the whole group. A big part of the system is rules. Most rules are unspoken but very powerful and clearly known to the system or family. They know to follow these rules even though they haven’t been clearly stated and they are mostly learned through the experience of breaking the rule and it usually only takes one time of it being broken to learning that it is unacceptable. The other important part to the system is roles. Every person in the system has their own role to carry to make the system work. Each role will support the system. The system will not work without each role, so as individuals leave the system, the other individuals still in the system take on the roles of those who left to make the system continue to work. There is also negative and positive feedback to other people’s actions. Negative feedback implies that the actions needs to stop. Positive feedback implies that the action should be continued. Boundaries are a major part in the systems theory. There are closed boundaries which are not inviting and keep information in, open boundaries which are very inviting and open for all to come in, and clear boundaries which can be inviting, but selective about who comes in. There should be less of a boundary between husband and wife than between the child and parents and the boundaries need to be clear and set. Individuals inside the system or family can be thoughtful and have a positive influence on the whole family by being consistent.

These theories help to understand that a family only works as a team. No individual can carry the family by themselves. It is always a team effort and we must be careful to help each other in proper manners so there are no misinterpretations. There will always be conflict within a family, but it is important to use communication to work things out as soon as possible.